Cheesy....

Ok...i've officially done something i never imagine i be doing...i made a video of me and my gf....hmm..its kinda cheesy, but i actually cried while doing it...well i do hope its being appreciated...oh well...FML

From the start...

If you notice..at the side bar i mentioned that "two love birds that come together against all odss...blah blah blah " .....Need to get this straight, when ur other half is away from u and is on holiday at some place and u do not know if she is alrite and everythg is alrite wif her, duno wat she is doing and all...you think thats wat love-birds do?not a text not a message?not a single thg?when i am at work, at least i have pictures in my wallet,in my name card holder to remind me that she is always there for me...when i am out wif my frens at least i do thk of her, text her...only the part when i was in singapore where i dont have roaming so i cant get to her...now she is away for 2 weeks....2 freaking weeks and i duno wat she is doing and all?and cant get to her...how is that possible and sensible...i dont get it...i really dont...

okay...its kinda frustrating already

Called her for duno how many times, at first it got thru and then it went "the number you called is currently switch off" or sumthing and then i tried again earliar..."the number you dialled is incomplete"...GOd, does she even care of how i feel..i dont even know if the plane arrived or wat or where is she, wat she is doing and all....does she even care of how i feel..crap rite?i mean if i were to be the one, MIA...the 1st msg i will get when i on my phone wpuld be..BREAK UP...or she can call my frens and ask where i am....but me? i dont even have her frens number...let alone anythg...Notice tis blog has change so much?from lovey dovey to nothing more than rants and complaints from both of us...i duno how to explain it....if a person were to be part of my life and my journey, would that person wants to break up wif me all the time?would that person just leave to a foreign country and leave me in the lurch?not knowing anythg?is that being considerate?just shows so much..really...it just show so much

pain and agony?

how does one have fun while their significant other is suffering?seriously...how?for 2 weeks she b away and not contacting me...and ask me to reflect on the relationship while she is away having fun doin whatever that is legal in amsterdam?oh wait..EVERYTHING is legal there...so wat can i do?nothing rite?oh well..i b moving to KL soon...cant wait for a new job and a new life..living on breads and maggi mee..doing my own laundry...well...all parts and parcel of life and i am determined to do well....done with my guy bitching...till then...

time to start blogging

i cant imagine the fact that whenever she goes on abloody trip..when she goes online on anythg, she cant leave a msg at all on fb or anythg?and this when i have repeated time after time. Ok, she is on holiday, i dont bug her..fine i let her b, i text her she dont reply, call her dont pick up...not like i call alot of times...if i dont pick up she get mad, i really have no place to rant...the gf is driving me crazy, she is waya, hav no chance to contact her, duno wat is she doin and everythg and sh can go on havin fun without thkin wat i feel her...at least she shud hav a decency to leave me a msg to know what she is doin, she dont say then she say i question her...for cryin out loud..if i were to do the same...u gona break up wif me already....crazy huh...That's my life...dont judge me, i've decided to be wif her cos i know i love her even if i am treated like shit at times....some ppl do not know the full story judge me, i have my reasons..yes i forgot our 2nd monthiversary, dont update my blog...i just lost focus..i'm changing job soon...moving to kl...need to move my career to a better place...need to not care ...learn to love myself more...but i cant...fml...seriously FML

Karma's a B**ch When I'm Part of It

Its been a month since the last update. Its getting a tad bit omg-i-want-to-pull-my-hair-till-nothing-is-left because I say so. I mean yea, it just reminds me of what he did to his blogs on ourstory.com (try googling, I think its still there. Ask him the details, not me. I'd rather not know).

To me, if you don't think you have the determination to do it, then DON'T FCUKING START IT. And DON'T start something after I've told you to do it or because you think its unfair as you have done it with them and not with me. SERIOUSLY. Its not like he's busy with his life, OH NO. The two things he's busy with starts with F. FOOTBALL and FRIENDS (You know, I'm also thinking of Fuck but.. oh well.. karma's a bitch when I'm part of it). I am sometimes disappointed, not because of you, but because of the choices I made.

You know, coming up with excuses like 'this blog is dead due to the fact that my life is dead without her' and 'before my gf decides to be mean' isn't going to help. I believe excuses and explanations should be distinguished properly. Period.

I'm just sick of excuses because it is NOT and WILL NEVER get you anywhere in life. Look where you are right now.

xoxo, -carmen-

p/s and don't come to me asking 'haven't I done enough for you?' when it comes to love, THERE ISN'T A LIMIT.

Poor blog

Lesson no.1, dont give anyone password to your account of anything or it gets threaten time after time.....GOd save the queen...

Hmm...seriously ever since carmen is in UK, this blog is dead due to the fact that my life is dead without her..my journey is lonely and o well...my chapter is going to end abruptly for the umpteenth time...sigh

Before my gf decides to be mean....

Well...yaya, i haven been updating "ourstory" but that does not mean that the story is not goin?i mean....it has been ever going even when i have been using this blog to rant about stuff...

Its goin to be our 9th month soon and i just am lookin forward for the day she do come bak and we get to go on our getaway...i need it and want it...

This few days i hav been busy wif cny and we haven been talkin much and so has been dor the past 3mths we are arguin on an hourly basis...not really but yeah...i just cant understand y we argue so much when i know that i do want to be wif her?i cant understand the fact of dat....and on a sad note...the gift for valentine i thk is bein rejected and i thk i have to go and collect it 2molo o sumthg...aargh...gone...anyway...Ms. Leong Carmen...do remember that u r the person i love and want to be wif...just get that in ur head....

Turning point....

Yup....cant blieve the shit he is seeing, they say seeing is believing....and wat i saw...it shows how much of lies have been said and done...Nicely done...Sweet jesus lord....

Cant wait for the next 6mths!!!

She is comin bak i THINK!!!! my baby is comin bak and i cant wait to see her!!!

hehe, woke her up at 7.30 am to chat wif me thankz to my stupid free wife which i cant connect anymore...DAMM

A Letter to Hubbykins

Hubbykins,

Happy 8th Unofficial Monthniversary!

8 months ago, we were clubbing at Maison.. I almost got you killed by crossing the roads near Bukit Nanas Monorail Station. I held your hand when you got into the car (and don't even ask why I did that). I hugged you when we got off the car (OMFG! I just sounded like a bloody desperado!). But you were the one who took advantage of me in the club!

8 months ago, you met one of my best guy friends, Dinesh. You allowed me to sleep on the same bed with him in my room and held my hand throughout the night (Low blood circulation for you on that night huh?) and you did not even complain (I think).

8 months ago, I made you decide whether you wanted to be with me or with Swarovski pen drive girl. You listened to me and stopped texting the latter. You should thank me for that otherwise your "England would have been very powderful" by now. Okay, its the new year and I shall be optimistic. Your Mandarin would have been REALLY good by now, up to the extent that you can read Sin Chew Daily without any problems. LOL! (Sorry, I felt like bitching for a moment. The alcohol is kicking in now)

8 months ago, we were cuddling on my bed while Pei San was watching her Chinese series and my mum walked in on us. A tad bit awkward at that time. We had mamak in the morning and Manhattan Fish Market for dinner and I brought you to my favourite shisha place with Farid and Intan afterwards. I will not forget 302. Do you remember? *grins* I thank you for respecting me as a woman.

I love you.

Your ONE and ONLY,

Wifey.

p/s I know you are loving the drama :)

First post for 2010!!!

Year 2010....How should i start the new years post??

Well 2009 is not a very bad year for me...seriously?for a year where i managed to be with her?i

mean how bad can that be??

Here i am sitting in front of my laptop for the past hour thking wat should i write?damm..

2009 was a wonderful experience for me....Got my 1st job!!mm hmm...tho i only lasted 6mths in that company but i learn so many many stuff there....learn how to be a phone operator! and let me tell u...Its not an easy job with all the constant phone ringing...

Then in May, well lets just say...it was a memorable month,met wif Carmen after some time and lets just say what happen after that was history....life is full of ups and downs and i can say being wif her has a fair share of dramas but i am not complaining....

Its the time where i really feel i hav found someone!!!

Yup! coming from me huh...unBelieve-abble....i drew that ....nice eh

Well, i love 2009 for the part where i'm able to be together wif her as well as my trip to UK....yeah...one of my highlights of the year. Managed to spend a solid 2weeks plus wif her...and it feels like home...feels like we are actually husband and wife arguing over nth and juz bein together with each other comfortably...it was no better feeling than that...seriously its sumthg that is hard to explain....

Given the chance...i would definitely consider living in England...and best part is if i can be next to her all the time....wish her parents pay me to take care of their daughter...ahh, dats such a nice idea....

2010 i welcome you cos it be the year where i gona work my socks off and save up as much as i can...and wan to work my way into Nestle...gona go temple later in the evening to pray for the new year....Anyway....i miss u..u noe who u r..

p/s: u shud b abt 3inch taller...Ms. Leong

UURGH

Random ramblings....its 6.40 am and my parents are gona wake up anytime soon and i am still awake ....wow....i am goin nuts...seriously....

The time of the year, where everything is suppose to be Merry and Lovely...

Its the time of the year, where kids list down a list of presents to ask from santa, claiming they have been a good boy or girl....asking for everythg from a Playstation to the next Barbie doll....Kids putting cookies and milk by the Chimney hoping Father Christmas would come down and have a bite....Having huge stockins by the Chimney...

Its the time of the year where adults have an excuse to eat more...drink more and party more....
Time of the year where presents are marked up 40% and then given a discount of 30% as a way of making people buy more...

Its the time of the year where teenagers use mistletoe's as a way of getting a kiss from their crush...

and its also the time of the year where humbugs, scrooges appear and take all that away....and its also the time of the year where couples fall apart from choosing the wrong stuffin in a turkey to not decorating a xmas tree according to plan....

this Christmas...was suppose 2 be our 7mthniversary but as usual....it never materialised....i duno how to tell her that she is the only girl i want and want to be with but guess nothin i did is enuf....let this be a lesson to all....Never take thgs for granted....till then

BITE Me...

p/s: Leong Carmen, u shud grow 2inch taller

Is on the ledge

FOr Heavens sake, i pray to god....seriously i cant stand it anymore....so many problems...i oways write how perfect we are...nice stuff abt us..bt tis relationship is like so superficial to the outside world.....you all can judge that i am a lousy bf but for a bf who traveled all the way to see his gf ....few thousand miles and barely 1mth till i reach msia and so many effing problems....dun judge me plz....i choose to be in tis relationship, i choose to b wif her and if bein wif her makes me like tis..then so be it.....every1 thks i screw up all the time...well let juz keep it dat way than pointin fingers...she cant accept my past, she cant trust me when trust is important...so wats the point eh...we are juz tormentin ourselves........i love her but sumtimes sanity and emotions are juz as important...so help me god....HELP me

Sometimes, It Hurts

There's still hope? I don't know.

My instincts are never wrong but something is amiss. We barely talk although we did patch things up, or at least we tried to. Someone came up to me and said "At the rate you guys are going, I'll give you four months max before either of you break down." I was scared.

I was at the edge of breaking down. And it wasn't because of a silly party. He knows it. I think its the fear of losing each other. I think its the distance. I think its the insecurity and the trust. That is the f***ed up thing about knowing his past.

I try to control myself but its easier said than done. Alcohol has been the best solution thus far. Not a good idea but it helps me with my sleep. No pain, no tears. When I get up the next morning, its all back to square one.

Holidays are approaching. I'll be alone in Bristol. I respected his decision to not go down to London. Fine. I'm just holding on to whatever I can. I am.

I'll make a deal. In a week's time, I shall stop with the alcohol.. No, make that two weeks. Its Xmas next week and the best way is to just get myself wasted in my room.

Its funny how you could sleep soundly every night. Do you ever think of me? Because I know I do think of you before dozing off. Perhaps, I'm the weird one. I practically refresh your Facebook page and this blog every hour, waiting to read something about me.. about us.. our pictures.. Realise how everything's changed with a blink of an eye?

Mum and Dad asked me if I'm fine. I lied. My girlfriends here asked me if I'm fine and they caught me lying just by looking into my eyes. Have you ever asked me if I was? When was the last time you asked me all these questions? Try putting yourself in my position.

Maybe you are busy with applying for jobs, I don't know. Maybe you are busy with your friends since they are back in BP, I don't know. Maybe you are busy painting the walls, I don't know. Maybe you are hiding something, I don't know. I'm trying to look at the brighter side but nothing appears.

I try telling you how I feel at times but you are just not getting it. Do you even know what happened to me yesterday? How about today in Uni? Last week? Ask yourself! I think you think that I'm immature, I'm sorry I've much to go through. The pictures you see shows that I'm just a good actress.

Whatever I'm typing now doesn't make sense but you get the idea. Its not an essay so f*** the coherency part.

I may appear to be tough at times but deep down, I can be very fragile.

I am really holding on to whatever I can because sometimes, it hurts.

xoxo, -carmen-

Boom Boom Pow

Blog has no "umph"...there are so many stuff i want 2 say...so many stuff i wan to let out....mayb i shud start twitterin again...i duno...so many emotions......uurgh....

Back to Reality...

hmm....juz got bak yesterday nite and my stuff are still lyin everywher....hate to pack...wish i am still in UK...it b so nice there....got ppl to wash clothes for me...hehe....and wash the dishes....

Missing UK already....i so wan 2 work there...now gona catch nap

11th Nov.....

Yes, we've known each other for so long only we got 2gether, some dislikes it, some hates it, some likes it, some loves it....but all in all, its us that matters..

Yes, yours truly can b childish, well....dun ask me why...

True enuf, i duno y...i'm not mad...juz a lil, very lil disappointed...seriously i duno wat i hav tis feeling now..gosh FML

This feelin inside of me ....

There's tis lil feelin inside of me waiting to explode....I duno wats the feeling....

Till then, i shall b gettin ready for my Trip YEAY!

Have to change currency,DAMM RM, rate so low...y cant it b like 1Pound = RM 3.00? at least i got more money to shop while i am there then when i come bak it rise bak up to 5.7 so i can exchange my leftovers if there are any...WELL HERE i am still awake...WHEEEEE

This feeling is surreal..

1week ago i am complanin that my life sucks.....and i was in depressed mode....

Now i am actually going UK,and i can finally do wat i wan 2 do....juz go to old trafford.....which is my life long dream...Aargh....i am goin there....and best part of all....i'm goin wif my baby...hehe..

Hip Hip Hooray!!

I am leavin for UK in a week time...Whee...So happy...get to go Old Trafford...lol...Fun Fun....yes.....my Dream come true

When love comes around...

Yeah, when love comes around...u get bak up when it knocks u down, Now my life is in such a mess....seriously here is d part where FML comes in handy, it represents my life so much...

Current Status: Unemployed... Relationship Status: In a mess cos gf is angry and ignorin me
Money Status: Bankruptcy comin soon.... Mind Status: Fucked up....

Aargh, i need go on a holiday....I wan to go overseas...I need to get my mind off things....I feel so fuckin useless...Apply for jobs, no effing response...I wan 2 go UK, I wan go Australia, I wan go France, Italy....I wan to get out of BATU PAHAT. Lifeless. Moneyless. and dats the bottom line....

I need sumthg in my life now...i need my baby who is 8414miles away and is currently ignorin me...serve me right. at tis point...i seriously am screwin up every bit of my life. My aunt is gona scold me for leavin my job when i haven found a job. I am gona break down....Mental Break down....nervous break down...I hav no FUCKIN idea...there is no one i can go to...the only one 1 need now is Leong Carmen and she is hating me....if tis relationship were to end...its gona b so hard then i cant get bak up....i swear

Since no1 reads tis blog...i shall vent here....

SERIOSLY.....SERIOUSLY...!!!! Is it fuckin serious anot?


Ok....maybe i FUCKING THINK TOO MUCH BT SERIOUSLY HOW CAN SHE DO TIS TO ME???WTF DID I DID WRONG?...ok...i'm childish...i am sorry....SOrry for those who think i am fuckn childish to get annoyed over the fact that she can reply comment on facebook but cant pick up her phone and msg me?she reply on facebook 18mins b4 i called her...dat 18mins she cudu hav text me..a short text would b sufficient...mayb i thk too much bt wth...i deserve a good explaination rather than d phone is too far, its next to me...o sumthg like dat...if i were to do the same...i b in hell...cant she understand that she is so many miles away and i need a lil TLC,tender lovin care...like i am important..so FML...i dun effin care abt my life d...so screw up...no job, no money...no nothin...so fucked up alrite....uurgh....hate it hate it

I HATE MY LIFE fuckin imbecile glaivn lim

When i see your smile....
Tears run down my face...
i Cant replace....
And now dat i am strong i've figured out dat without u i cant b strong....

I Swear i will never let u fall....
I will Stand up and by urside forever....
Even if being wif u sends me to heaven cos i noe u r my heaven....

Ever felt tis kind if feeling?tis kind of passion for another person not juz lust?but emotionaly?spiritually...ok nt dat la....bt seriously....i noe dat tis relationship is gona b hard wif all d trust issues...she has alot of guys frens and i hav lots of girl frens..but probably we both hav 2 face it....i noe she cant trust me even wif my highsch o kindergarten girl frens, but there is nth 2 worry abt...i've known them so long dat seriously...it b funny if i end up hav feelings for them...

Bunby, i miss u so much, i wish i can rob a bank now anf fly 2 bristol juz 2 b wif u....and do my masters....I feel like doin my masters so much...Till then...all i can do is love....loving her...loving u bunby